That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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