I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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