my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize