Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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