Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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