a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize