Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize