I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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