Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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