Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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