it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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