I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize