He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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