Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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