the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize