I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you had me at cake vodka
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
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It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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