i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize