i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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