what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
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$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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