If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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