I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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