question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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