I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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