new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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