New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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