You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize