Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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