I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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