grandma shit on top of the toilet
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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