hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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