i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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