I faked an abortion last night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize