Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize