wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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