love makes seman taste better
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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