I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I've blown a few things in my day
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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