i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We're too hungover to prance.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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