i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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