So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize