My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
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I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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