does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize