Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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