Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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