I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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