I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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