Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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