yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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