when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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