I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize