you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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